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Our five picks to play Italy’s slimiest… Silvio Berlusconi

| o | - This man deserves a movie

So The Guardian is reporting that the Silvio Berlusconi film everyone was getting so excited about may not actually be happening.

The former Prime Minister of Italy was slated to produce the film but with denials from his PR people, it seems like it could all just be a load of hot air.

But we here at Spooool are eternal optimists and it seems inevitable that a film of the great man will eventually be made, with or without the great man’s blessing. The big question is who could take on the lead role…

The Guardian has already tabled the motion that Jean Claude Van Damme should be given the lead role. I would have no problem with this but question his ability to find that balance between political know-how and sleaze. He does have those amazing kicks and a similarly saggy face though.

 

Paolo Sorrentino’s 2008 film Il Divo had nothing to do with the oprah pop group of the same name that had a bizarre run of fame toward the end of the last decade. The award-winning film instead told the story of Giulio Andreotti who was Prime Minister of Italy for seven terms at various stages between 1972 and 1992. The film is full of corruption, assassinations and mafia drama. The man at the centre of all this is Toni Servillo. He’d have to sex himself up a bit compared to the Andreotti performance, but he managed to perfect the balding my-way-or-the-highway approach once before, why not again?

 

If Silvio decides to go the Hollywood-route then there really is no better man than cranky old Paul Giamatti. He’s given us sleazy confidence in Barney’s Version, political nous in The Ides of March and can manage a freak-out better than any man as evidenced in Sideways and Shout ‘Em Up. Slick back that hair and slap on the fake tan and we’re on to a winner boys.

 

Seriously, he is in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, has Die Hard 5 on the horizon, and shows up in absolute rubbish like Cop Out and Surrogates. It seems he will do anything for money. A man after your heart Silvio?

 

Berlusconi is well-known as the owner of one of Italy’s most famous clubs, AC Milan. He bought the club in 1986 and since then has seen the club won five European Cups and 8 Serie A league titles. What better man to get on board to play them then one of their greatest ever player? Paolo Maldini played for the club from 1985 to 2009 and since retiring hasn’t done a whole lot, turning down coaching offers and instead opting to spend time with his family. Yawn. He already has the supermodel wife and in latter years started to show a nastier side to his game on the field. Clearly he is just waiting to follow Eric Cantona into acting and is just waiting for the phonecall.

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Nigel

Nigel loves stupid films almost as much as he likes clever films. He'll watch anything but is usually drawn to documentaries, North American independent films, Irish cinema and gung-ho, balls-to-the-walls Hollywood blockbusters. Here's what he's been watching.