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The 2013 Spooools! Our Oscar-alternative awards…

2013 Spooools - Our favourite Hollywood executives discuss the Spooools...

– 2013 Spooools – Our favourite Hollywood executives discuss the Spooools…

A year ago we brought you our own little awards and awarded the winners a few days before the 2012 Oscars broadcast. As they were so much fun to do, we’re repeating the venture again this year.

The 2013 Spooools will award films we saw between March 2012 and February 2013, in line with the Academy’s own Oscars release cycle. You can of course check out the official Oscar nominations here and read our thoughts on those over here, but for now forget about all that and enjoy our own wee honours.

Click on any of the images below for a closer look.

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Best Facial Hair

Best Facial Hair

Ben Affleck (Argo – Tony Mendez)
Gael García Bernal (No – René Saavedra)
Christophe Waltz (Django Unchained– Dr. Schultz)
Jason Schwartzman (Moonrise Kingdom – Cousin Ben)
Stephen Hunter (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – Bombur)
Wes Bentley (The Hunger Games – Seneca Crane)

We’ve got to give it to poor old Ben Affleck’s face-warmer from Argo. But doesn’t he know it’s hot in Tehran?!

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Best Song and/or Dance Number

Best Song and/or Dance Number

Holy Motors – “Let my Baby Ride”
The Hobbit – “Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold”
Magic Mike – “It’s Raining Men”
Pitch Perfect – “Just The Way You Are” & “Just A Dream” (mash-up)

How could we not give it to Stephen Soderbergh’s greasy, stripping men in Magic Mike?

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Most Pointless Picture

Most Pointless Picture

Total Recall
Hitchcock
The Amazing Spider-Man

Seriously, we had a Spider-Man film that told the origins of Peter Parker a decade ago, need we go there again so soon?

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Best Trailer For a Bad Film.

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Worst Trailer For a Good Film

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Best Poster

Best Poster

The Master
Killer Joe
Django Unchained
Moonrise Kingdom
Room 237

We’re going with the Tarantino. No need to even put the film’s name on it. 

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Worst Poster

04posters2

The Expendables 2
The Expendables 2
The Expendables 2
The Expendables 2
The Expendables 2

#2 – JCVD appears to be kicking an aeroplane?

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Best Performance by an Animal or Bird in a Supporting Role

Best Performance by an Animal in a Supporting Role

Amour (Symbolic Pigeon)
Seven Psychopaths (Bonny)
Life of Pi (Richard Carter)
Sightseers (Banjo/Poppy)

In Sightseers the dog had to play TWO characters. #winner

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Best Cameo (Must be brief and weird to qualify)

Best Cameo (Must be brief and weird to qualify)

Sam Shepherd (Killing Them Softly)
Ryan Reynolds (Ted)
Devin Ratray – aka Buzz from Home Alone (Side Effects)
Johnny Depp (21 Jump Street)

Sam Shepherd walks away with this one. Blink and you’ll miss him.

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Woman of the Year – Jennifer Lawrence V Anne Hathaway

Woman of the Year - Jennifer Lawrence V Anne Hathaway

Jennifer Lawrence (was surprisingly good in big action movie earlier in the year – The Hunger Games – then capped things off with a big performance in an Oscar favourite – Silver Linings Playbook)
Anne Hathaway (see above, except swap in The Dark Knight Returns and Les Miserables)

How can you not love the girl now known as JLAW? Well-deserving of the Oscar, let’s hope she can continue to balance indies with blockbusters…

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Man of the Year – Channing Tatum V Matthew McConaghey

11manChanning Tatum (Haywire, 21 Jump Street, Magic Mike, Side Effects)
Matthew McConaghey (Bernie, Killer Joe, Magic Mike, The Paperboy, Mud)

Gotta be the McCONAGHAAAAAAAEEEEYY. A reputation has truly been transformed.

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