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Oh no. The bloody Golden Globes. What WILL win and what SHOULD win.

The 2012 Golden Globes take place tonight at 8pm Eastern (1am for all the GMTers)

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s annual Golden Globes awards – which take place tonight – are really just the poor bastard cousin of the Oscars.

It seems the main logic in selecting their categories and nominations is to try and please everybody.

– The cop-out division of the film categories into “Drama” and “Comedy/Musical”. More nominated films and actors means more people show up.

– Tabloid-friendly token nods to people like Cher and Madonna despite their films (Burlesque, W.E.) being critically lambasted. This year Madge is up for best original score and best original song, for “Masterpiece.” from W.E.

– A few TV categories just to re-reward the winners of the Emmys from last August. Expect Modern Family, Downton Abbey and Breaking Bad to dominate. Though maybe the HFPA will see sense and give Claire Danes and Damien Lewis some love for their work on Homeland.

– “Miss Golden Globes”. Since 1963, a famous daughter of a celebrity gets to come out on stage and wave. This year Andie McDowell’s daughter Rainey Qualley will wobble on to stage and smile.

But despite all this, it is the first major show of awards season and I love awards dammit. Ricky Gervais is good value in his “controversial” role as host – “O.M.G. He just made fun of Scientology!!” – and it’s always fun to see Hollywood actors look bored when they drag out the best subtitled-latino-mini-series-or-TV-movie-that-isn’t-on-HBO…

Anyway Spooool won’t both you with any thoughts on the TV categories, but for those interested here’s a look at what I think should win, and what will win…

BEST PICTURE (Drama)

The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
War Horse

Should winHugo

Will winThe Descendants

What about?The Tree of Life – Perhaps Malick is a little too high-brow for the Globes. Let’s hope the Academy don’t make the same mistakes…

BEST PICTURE (Comedy or Musical)

50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Midnight in Paris
My Week with Marilyn

Should winThe Artist

Will win The Artist

What about? – Crazy, Stupid, Love. – The best Hollywood comedy of 2011

BEST DIRECTOR

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Should win – Michel Hazanavicius

Will win – Michel Hazanavicius

What about? – Terrence Malick/Lars Von Trier – Tree of Life and Melancholia are two of the most memorable, confidently-directed films of the year.

BEST ACTOR (Drama)

George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonard DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Should win – Fassbender

Will win – Clooney

What about? – Michael Shannon – Take Shelter is not getting any love…We can only hope that DiCaprio or Gosling drop out of the running by the time the oscar nods are announced…

BEST ACTRESS (Drama)

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

Should win – Rooney Mara

Will win – Streep –

What about? – Elizabeth Olsen – She is Martha, Marcy, May AND Marlene.

BEST ACTOR (Comedy or Musical)

Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

Should win – Dujardin

Will win – Dujardin

What about? – Anyone from Attack the Block

BEST ACTRESS (Comedy or Musical)

Jodie Foster, Carnage
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet, Carnage

Should win – Kristen Wiig

Will win – Williams

What about? – Julianne Moore – Crazy, Stupid, Love

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Kenneth Branagh, My Week with Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Should win – Albert Brooks

Will win – Plummer

What about? – Nick Nolte’s performance in Warrior was considered an early favourite for this category but he has since disappeared.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

Should win – Shailene Woodley

Will win – Berenice Bejo

What about? – Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids was the year’s true break-out role

BEST ANIMATED FILM
The Adventures of Tintin
Arthur Christmas
Cars 2
Puss in Boots
Rango

Should winArthur Christmas

Will winTintin

What about? – Are we rewarding the quality of the animation or the story? I’d vote for the 4 minute claymation stoned sequence in Harold & Kumar’s 3D Christmas

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
The Flowers of War (China)
In the Land of Blood and Honey (USA)
The Kid With a Bike (Belgium)
A Separation (Iran)
The Skin I Live In (Spain)

Should winThe Skin I Live In

Will winA Separation

What about? – Germany’s Pina is probably feeling very hard done by.

BEST SCREENPLAY
Woody Allen, “Midnight in Paris”
George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon – “The Ides of March”
Michel Hazanavicius – “The Artist”
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash – “The Descendants”
Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin – “Moneyball”

Should winThe Descendents

Will winMidnight in Paris

What about? Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy – did no-one from the HFPA see this??

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Ludovic Bource – The Artist
Abel Korzeniowski – W.E.
Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross – The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Howard Shore – Hugo
John Williams – War Horse

Should win – Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross

Will win – John Williams

What about? – Alberto Iglesias’s The Skin I live In score perfectly balances melodramatic, suspense and madness

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
“Hello Hello” — Gnomeo & Juliet, music by Elton John, lyrics by Bernie Taupin
“The Keeper”— Machine Gun Preacher, music and lyrics by Chris Cornell
“Lay Your Head Down” — Albert Nobbs, music by Brian Byrne, lyrics by Glenn Close
“The Living Proof” — The Help; music by Mary J. Blige, Thomas Newman, Harvey Mason Jr.; lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Harvey Mason Jr., Damon Thomas
“Masterpiece” — W.E., music and lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry

Should win – Elton John. Make Art.

Will win – Madonna.

What about? – THE MOTHER FUCKING MUPPETS?!  Specifically “Life’s a Happy Song

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Nigel

Nigel loves stupid films almost as much as he likes clever films. He'll watch anything but is usually drawn to documentaries, North American independent films, Irish cinema and gung-ho, balls-to-the-walls Hollywood blockbusters. Here's what he's been watching.

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em wasn’t marcy may all one name? tsk!

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