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Piranha 3DD – The Walkout

I have never walked out of a film before in all my cinema going years, until now.

A friend and I were sitting down in Dublin’s Cineworld cinema for Piranha 3DD anticipating boobs and blood when in walked a mother and father with their child. The child was probably about four years old, but definitely no older than six, and we began to wonder if we’d gone to the wrong screen when up pops the IFCO rating screen – “Piranha 3DD 18”. We look towards the family and realise they don’t seem to be moving. A bit perturbed we sit on and presume they’ll gather their stuff and leave in a minute or two. They don’t.

The film – or the 15 or so minutes I saw – was terrible. From the get go there was incredibly pointless nudity in a really sleazy and pretty degrading manner. With full frontal and repeated references to how wet the girls were and a new “cooch” camera that had been installed into a swimming pool. Between not laughing and continually glancing at the parents to see if or why they hadn’t left yet it became a pretty unsettling experience.

When a character vomited in 3D and another cast member who had just been “dusting” himself off in the pool jumps on said vomit my friend turned to me and said she was leaving. For me it was the fact the child hadn’t been removed that was the deciding factor. I would have stayed if the child wasn’t there but probably not if my friend still decided to leave. I go to the cinema by myself all the time, that’s not the issue, but more so that there are certain films you like to have company for – horrors or silly blockbusters. I’m not trying to come off as incredibly moralistic either “quick women are being portrayed as mere sexual playthings for male gratification, to the barricades!” there’s nothing new in that. I knew what to expect having seen the first Piranha reboot and it was an enjoyably ridiculous 3D experience, a great example of a B-movie. They definitely had turned the stupidity up to 11 here, seemingly only to have made the film for horny teenage boys.

We really have James Cameron (the obscure director of Piranha Part Two: The Spawning and some other lesser known films) to thank for this. In recent years there have been numerous pointlessly 3D films and for every Avatar or Hugo there is a Mars needs Moms or Piranha 3DD. I did find it hard to leave having never left a film before, but it was just too weird with the underage child there. It felt incredibly odd but also like a statement was being made and I was reminded of being at other films where walkouts occurred, Snowtown in particular. It is the ultimate expression of displeasure at someone’s film. So no review unless Nigel goes but I would advise against it.

My friend did inform a member of the Cineworld staff as we left requesting the child be removed.